The past few weeks have been difficult spiritually. My heart has been feeling very restless lately - I'm not sure how to describe it. It doesn't know what it wants...it doesn't know what God wants...and that has been frustrating for me. I want to fully give myself to God in whatever He is calling me to, but I don't know what that is yet! I want to move, but I don't know where to go/ feel like I have no where to go. That was bothering me a lot the past few weeks.
It was hard for me to admit that I was angry. I was angry with God! (Although clearly I have no right to be). I knew God was working in my life - He always is...but I didn't think He was working in the places I wanted Him to work. The sneaky sin of pride had reared its ugly head again.
I went to confession and was blessed with one of the most honest discussions I have ever had. I expressed that I was angry and frustrated with God and that I was angry with myself - angry that as hard as I try to give all of my fear and anxiety up to God, I always seem to hold on to a little piece every time. That little piece grows and grows until my heart is filled with fear and anxiety again. I don't know how to stop myself from doing that. My priest smiled and said, "Welcome to humanity." It was perfect!
Those three words were the gateway through which God opened my heart to a new realization that day.
This wasn't the first time that my heart had felt this way. Before I knew Christ, my heart was restless. It was a similar feeling...I didn't know where I was going, I didn't know where I wanted to go. But I have one thing now that I didn't have then: Hope. I have hope in Christ...that He will lead me a guide me to wherever He wants me to go. And despite all of my fears, anxiety, and stress that I can never fully release, I believe with all of my being that His love will take me through it all. Christ gives me hope! This hope and love will get me through these restless times. And it has. Just a day later prayers were answered and God brought me peace. God is good! All the time!
So through this long, convoluted, and confusing post, I have been trying to get to a song that has been resonating with me this week. It's "The Light In Me" by Brandon Heath. My favorite line - "You are the hope that leads me out of the dark." This song speaks to my heart in a huge way. God put the light in me and since that day I've never been the same. Thank You, Lord for putting the light in my heart. Thank You for always holding me, even when my humanity causes me to let go. Thank You for giving me the hope that sustains me, the light that guides me, and the love that makes me whole.
Thursday, March 17, 2011
Saturday, March 12, 2011
A Beautiful Meditation from the Sisters of Life
I received this meditation a few days ago from the Sisters of Life, an incredible order of sisters that I greatly admire. They have a contagious and inspiring love for the Lord, lived out through their vocation that is firmly rooted in the Eucharist.
This meditation focuses on the Eucharist - how we can receive the Blessed Sacrament in its fullness into our hearts.
The Eucharist is our food for the journey. It nourishes our soul and gives us strength to continue our walk with Christ. Receiving the Eucharist is key to our salvation - we should receive it as often as possible while remaining reverent, as each time we encounter the Blessed Sacrament we must remember how the Lord has humbled Himself in order to be physically present under the appearance of bread. Thank You, Jesus, for the gift of You!
This meditation made me think of how I could receive Jesus in a fuller way in my life, especially in the Eucharist. I hope you enjoy this meditation as much as I did (and if you do, be sure to thank the Sisters of Life!).
In His Love,
Lindsey
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This meditation focuses on the Eucharist - how we can receive the Blessed Sacrament in its fullness into our hearts.
The Eucharist is our food for the journey. It nourishes our soul and gives us strength to continue our walk with Christ. Receiving the Eucharist is key to our salvation - we should receive it as often as possible while remaining reverent, as each time we encounter the Blessed Sacrament we must remember how the Lord has humbled Himself in order to be physically present under the appearance of bread. Thank You, Jesus, for the gift of You!
This meditation made me think of how I could receive Jesus in a fuller way in my life, especially in the Eucharist. I hope you enjoy this meditation as much as I did (and if you do, be sure to thank the Sisters of Life!).
In His Love,
Lindsey
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The word ‘arise’, in the Greek, is the verb to express resurrection from the dead. So the command to arise is a summons from death to newness of life, to life in abundance, and ultimately to eternal life.
In Luke’s Gospel, we hear the Lord say, “Arise.”
Someone from the synagogue official’s house arrived and said, “Your daughter is dead; do not trouble the teacher any longer.” On hearing this, Jesus answered him, “Do not be afraid; just have faith and she will be saved.” When he arrived at the house he allowed no one to enter with him except Peter, John and James, and the child’s father and mother. All were weeping and mourning for her, when he said, “Do not weep any longer, for she is not dead, but sleeping.” And they ridiculed him, because they knew that she was dead.
But he took her by the hand and called to her, “Child, arise!” Her breath returned and she immediately arose. He then directed that she should be given something to eat.” (Luke 8: 49-55)
It is His call to us today. Taking us by the hand, Jesus draws us out of the drowsiness of mediocrity, the numbness of mistrust, the fog of sorrow, or the death of sin. He fills us with breath, His very Spirit, the fulfillment of the promise that He would be with us always. And then the unthinkable: Jesus insists we should be given “Something to eat.”
The Eucharist is the source and summit of our life…and yet, even with frequent reception of Holy Communion, we can feel seemingly unchanged. How is it possible for me to receive Jesus and to be cold, to receive fire and to not be inflamed?
How can our time of Holy Communion with the Lord deepen, transforming us and making us new? Preparation prior to Mass and a Thanksgiving afterward have always been invaluable practices to the saints. St. Alphonsus Ligiouri would give himself a pep-talk, “Soul…do you know what is about to happen to you? You are going to meet your CREATOR!!” He recommended 6 acts to prepare oneself for the Mass.
1) An act of faith; Jesus, I believe you are truly present. 2) An act of confidence; I trust you can move mountains in my life. 3) An act of love ; “I love you God…but oh! Teach me how to love.” (St. JoseMaria Escriva) 4) An act of humility; I am confused by my inconsistency and weakness, and overwhelmed by your condescension in coming to me 5) An act ofcontrition; I am sorry for the ways I have grieved you and 6) an act of desire. I want to receive you Lord…and for You to receive me.
When asked how she could spend so much time in thanksgiving after the Mass, St. Bernadette answered, “I imagine that Our Lady herself is giving me the Child Jesus. I receive him…I speak to Him and He speaks to me.” We too can marvel at Christ within us, seeing His Adorable Face: the Infant at Bethlehem, the Crucified Savior, the Friend of sinners and tax collectors.
Jesus said to Simon at Bethany, “When I entered your house, you did not give me a kiss. But she {the sinful woman} has not stopped kissing my feet since the time I entered.” We do not want to be like Simon and leave Jesus unattended! Instead, imitate the woman who loved much because she had been forgiven much and offer many aspirations of love for your Thanksgiving. Let each be like a kiss for Jesus. Jesus is a real person, and He comes to the house of your heart.
Tuesday, March 8, 2011
Lent: A Call for Conversion
"Penance does not mean sacrifice and self denial in the first place, but a "change of heart," a victory over sin and a striving for holiness. The sacrifices of fasting and self denial are only means and signs of this spiritual penance. If people understand this well, they will not put the main effort in Lent on technical feats of abstaining from pleasures (which sometimes makes them proud or vain), but in sincere contrition, prayer and humble fight against their faults." - Fr. Francis X. Weiser, SJ
In less than an hour, the season of Lent begins, a time when the Church unites herself to the 40 days of temptation that Jesus withstood in the desert. During these 40 days, we focus on prayer, fasting and almsgiving. We traditionally give something up/take something up in order discipline ourselves...we say no to the things of the world and yes to God. We reflect on our own weaknesses, the temptations we continuously fail to withstand, and strive for conversion.
The purpose of the Lenten sacrifice we choose should be to help us to achieve a closer relationship with God. However, the only way that our sacrifice can do this is if the focus of our sacrifice is Christ, not on our ability to make sacrifices. The above quote sums it up perfectly...if we focus on the "technicalities" of our sacrifice it can become a "look what I did" kind of thing...sounds a lot like our buddies the pharisees, doesn't it? However, if we go at our sacrifice with a contrite and humble heart, seriously striving for conversion and union with God, it never becomes about us and remains about Him.
This whole thought process reminded me of a homily I have heard a couple of times by a priest I greatly admire. Father asks us each year to remember why we receive ashes and why we make a sacrifice during Lent. Is it just something that we do because we're Catholic and that's what Catholics do or is there a greater purpose behind it? It's a real question that I know I must constantly reflect on each year during Lent to keep my focus where it needs to be...pride is a sneaky, sneaky sin.
But the beautiful thing about this whole process is that God's grace can change us in profound ways. If we are aware of our weaknesses and truly strive to overcome them, acknowledging that God's grace is the only way that we can be successful, we have just opened our hearts to a very fruitful and purposeful Lent.
Lent is not an easy journey...I know I have experienced some of my greatest times of temptation and doubt during these 40 days. But we persevere through this struggle with courage and humility, knowing that it is not in vain, knowing that we will encounter joy in the risen Lord on the other side.
May Christ's all consuming love be at work in your heart this Lent.
In His Love,
Lindsey
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| Jesus in the desert - an image of focus for me this Lent Thank you to the artist for this beautiful meditation! |
In less than an hour, the season of Lent begins, a time when the Church unites herself to the 40 days of temptation that Jesus withstood in the desert. During these 40 days, we focus on prayer, fasting and almsgiving. We traditionally give something up/take something up in order discipline ourselves...we say no to the things of the world and yes to God. We reflect on our own weaknesses, the temptations we continuously fail to withstand, and strive for conversion.
The purpose of the Lenten sacrifice we choose should be to help us to achieve a closer relationship with God. However, the only way that our sacrifice can do this is if the focus of our sacrifice is Christ, not on our ability to make sacrifices. The above quote sums it up perfectly...if we focus on the "technicalities" of our sacrifice it can become a "look what I did" kind of thing...sounds a lot like our buddies the pharisees, doesn't it? However, if we go at our sacrifice with a contrite and humble heart, seriously striving for conversion and union with God, it never becomes about us and remains about Him.
This whole thought process reminded me of a homily I have heard a couple of times by a priest I greatly admire. Father asks us each year to remember why we receive ashes and why we make a sacrifice during Lent. Is it just something that we do because we're Catholic and that's what Catholics do or is there a greater purpose behind it? It's a real question that I know I must constantly reflect on each year during Lent to keep my focus where it needs to be...pride is a sneaky, sneaky sin.
But the beautiful thing about this whole process is that God's grace can change us in profound ways. If we are aware of our weaknesses and truly strive to overcome them, acknowledging that God's grace is the only way that we can be successful, we have just opened our hearts to a very fruitful and purposeful Lent.
Lent is not an easy journey...I know I have experienced some of my greatest times of temptation and doubt during these 40 days. But we persevere through this struggle with courage and humility, knowing that it is not in vain, knowing that we will encounter joy in the risen Lord on the other side.
May Christ's all consuming love be at work in your heart this Lent.
In His Love,
Lindsey
Wednesday, March 2, 2011
He loves, He hopes, He waits
"He loves, He hopes, He waits. If He came down on our altars on certain days only, some sinner, on being moved to repentance, might have to look for Him, and not finding Him, might have to wait. Our Lord prefers to wait Himself for the sinner for years rather than keep him waiting for one instant."
I am very blessed to have an Adoration Chapel just 5 minutes away from both my apartment and school. Some days, in the midst of a hectic DPT schedule, I have the chance to get away for a few peaceful moments in this humble little chapel. Thankfully, today was one of those days.
At Adoration, my heart just felt so full and whole and I began to think about why I love that little chapel so much. Jesus waits there for me, for all of us...humble, vulnerable, patient. It does not matter when I come or how I come...just that I come. Jesus waits and rejoices when I am able to get away and spend time with Him, no matter how limited it may be.
It is the only place I can go where I do not have to worry about being judged. I don't have to worry about whether or not I'm wearing makeup, if my clothes are okay, if I can express what I'm feeling or if I need to keep it inside. I can just come. As I am. No matter how that may be. And He rejoices! He rejoices over me...everything that I am, am not, and trying to become.
As this all came together before Jesus today, I became overwhelmed with gratitude. The only prayer I could muster was "Thank You." It was all I had to give in that moment, but I knew for Jesus it was enough because it was sincere...a humble cry from the depths of my heart.
So tonight I am grateful. I am grateful for that little chapel that is so easy to walk by without even taking a second look. The humble chapel with the worn out carpet that has cushioned the knees of many a sinner, stealing away to find peace with the Lord. The quiet little chapel that holds the greatest gift humanity has ever received...the One that every human heart that has ever taken a single beat desires to know.
Thank You, Lord, for letting me know You. Thank You for letting me kneel before You in that humble little chapel. And Thank You for letting me come as I am, with all of my failures and shortcomings, and loving me in spite of every single one.
I am very blessed to have an Adoration Chapel just 5 minutes away from both my apartment and school. Some days, in the midst of a hectic DPT schedule, I have the chance to get away for a few peaceful moments in this humble little chapel. Thankfully, today was one of those days.
At Adoration, my heart just felt so full and whole and I began to think about why I love that little chapel so much. Jesus waits there for me, for all of us...humble, vulnerable, patient. It does not matter when I come or how I come...just that I come. Jesus waits and rejoices when I am able to get away and spend time with Him, no matter how limited it may be.
It is the only place I can go where I do not have to worry about being judged. I don't have to worry about whether or not I'm wearing makeup, if my clothes are okay, if I can express what I'm feeling or if I need to keep it inside. I can just come. As I am. No matter how that may be. And He rejoices! He rejoices over me...everything that I am, am not, and trying to become.
As this all came together before Jesus today, I became overwhelmed with gratitude. The only prayer I could muster was "Thank You." It was all I had to give in that moment, but I knew for Jesus it was enough because it was sincere...a humble cry from the depths of my heart.
So tonight I am grateful. I am grateful for that little chapel that is so easy to walk by without even taking a second look. The humble chapel with the worn out carpet that has cushioned the knees of many a sinner, stealing away to find peace with the Lord. The quiet little chapel that holds the greatest gift humanity has ever received...the One that every human heart that has ever taken a single beat desires to know.
Thank You, Lord, for letting me know You. Thank You for letting me kneel before You in that humble little chapel. And Thank You for letting me come as I am, with all of my failures and shortcomings, and loving me in spite of every single one.
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